one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
