ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
