Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
