yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
