I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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