when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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