Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
