I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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