She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
