i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
