happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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