so explain again why im purple
no
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
