if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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