Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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