Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
