so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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