Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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