I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
