We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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