So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
