I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
