No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
