after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
