My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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