Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dick very happy bro
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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