I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
