this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize