awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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