Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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