Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
