we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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