why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?