Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?