thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's great music for shaving your balls
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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