Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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