turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS