he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
