Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
