I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
