I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
