You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
