I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
