Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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