There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
