Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Alive.
So much puke
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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