Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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