i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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