chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
