I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
