Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
