Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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