It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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