look no pants
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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