There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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