That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
