Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
