So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
