just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
