I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
