I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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