so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
