What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
