i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
