I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
