everyone is single if you try hard enough
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
